I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
