Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
