How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
