You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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