I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
