Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
