Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
