it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
