Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
