my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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