Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
