Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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