I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
