i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
