at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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