Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
