He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
