wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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