new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Two words: blizzard sex
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
