Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
