Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
