Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
