that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think people are normalizing furries
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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