Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
