Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
