The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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