there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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