Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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