My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
