I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
