I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
