yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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