it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
