That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
