FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
