I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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