Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
