as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
