i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
