Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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