woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
