I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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