THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
