He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
