i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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