he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
