I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
