hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
