Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
