Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
