I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
