highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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