There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
