so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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